I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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