Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
