So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
