That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
