I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
