Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
