She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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