Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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