Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
