A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
