I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
