this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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