shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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