hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
