What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
