we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
