You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
