The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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