Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
