he shaved USA in his pubs
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
