my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
