Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
