dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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