I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You pole danced in your parka.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
