I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
