You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
