My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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