I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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