please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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