We're like a lot better than the average bears
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
