the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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