you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
