Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
