South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
