I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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