I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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