We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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