He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
