what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Randomize
