The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
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