You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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