I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
