so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
