So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
be right there i have to get my cape
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
