HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
