Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm both gender and math confused
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
