She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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