Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
