so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Text me some of your sweat
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
