I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
