he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
