Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
