I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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