im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I think my moral compass just broke
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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