we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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